SQUIRM

I gave this blog its name because it's perfect for a rant about breasts. Throughout sixteen weeks of chemo, I was secretly hoping for a lumpectomy since my tumor size is small and response to chemo has been A+. But I'm not getting that break (not that lumpectomies are a piece of cake). I'm in for full demo and reno. Both breasts.
medical staff: "We want to be able to say "cure.""
me: squirm
medical staff: "It's the best option. Otherwise you'll be under constant surveillance."
me: squirm
medical staff (now exasperated): "It's only fifteen extra minutes in the O.R."
me: squirm
I'm not ready for this!
Too, I've been trying to "prepare my mind for surgery," a series of basic relaxation methods which I'm supposed to learn and then put to use when I get scared (which is all the time). I'm listening to tapes which teach deep relaxation, but all I can do is picture my body on a metal table with my eyes X'd out! Then I read that picturing your body on a metal table with your eyes X'd out is not optimal for the pre-surgery mind.
squirm
Still, I keep reminding my catastrophic thoughts that I've made a choice which offers the best outcome -- I'm reaching for optimum health. My medical team is #1! Dammit, I'm going for cure (imagine crowd cheering)!
Yes, bilateral mastectomies. squirm.

Whining

I can't conceive a better place to spill a few pre-surgery tears than the Napa Valley. Growing up in farm country, I'm attuned to the vibrant energy in the growing grapes, the tending of the vines and hopes for a bountiful harvest. So much green under brilliant blue skies!
And the food - I gained five pounds! Too, I learned a new appreciation for champagne (the bubbles settle my wiggly stomach).
I did more wine sniffing than tasting, and was the designated driver for the love of my life. No complaints. For a few days I was Mustang Sally driving a fast convertible (yes, my hair stayed on!).
Memorable moment? We shared the most delicious plum, courtesy of Mr. Ramirez at his fruit stand along the Silverado Trail. Truly fabulous!
I did a lot of living in the moment and celebrating real love.

Oh Canada!

We are making a trip to visit Calgary friends and the gorgeous Canadian Rockies. Being in the presence of these majestic mountains gives me strength. Their peaks, beautifully sculpted and glacier scarred, are the strongest survivors. Maybe we are all timeless.