How do I move forward?
This question is, apparently, common among survivors. Support agencies offer various methods which allow the survivor to express emotions via expressionist arts, meditation, Yoga.
During my new cancer survivor's Yoga class, the instructor introduced the last pose as "corpse pose" and everyone laughed. It's the very thing we're all trying to avoid!
One might think that after chemo, surgery and radiation, the cured patient will embrace life, run through fields of flowers, pursue excruciatingly passionate endeavors. I want go, do, see everything, as fast as I can, but I'm stuck. I'm too weighted with emotions. I have to sort through what the hell just happened to me.
I worry that I'm wasting precious time.
Treatment is its own journey. I marched through it like a good soldier, "don't think, just do what must be done."
So here I am in this space between journeys where one must accept what's happened before they can move forward. I can rest here, but I'm restless. I miss feeling free. I never feel free. I wake up every morning and think, "ok, this really happened to me."
This must be the space of healing. There is much to do here. Hopefully I can learn to be more care free. Eventually I'll find the key which will unlock the door to my next journey.
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