Kayaking through Life

There is nothing more restorative than a warm, sunny vacation destination. I spent the past ten days sitting on the warm sand with my toes in the turquoise waters of the Caribbean Sea! Ten glorious days in Margaritaville (minus the tequila), the land where real coconuts grow on palm trees. My family, our fabulous four-some celebrated every moment of our togetherness. After a tumultuous year, we exhaled. It was very healing for all of us.
Healing is not a passive process; you have to actively participate to receive it. We must take the time, make the decisions, set the priorities to make healing moments possible.
I've never been adventurous when it comes to travel. I used to hate to fly (embarrassing to admit having spent almost ten years in the Air Force). But one day I got tired of feeling out of control every time I had to fly somewhere. I wanted to feel dignified, fly as freely as everyone else on the plane.
I had to heal myself of that fear. With the help of a good therapist, I conquered my fear of flying. It took time. I had to work on my thinking (read: obsessing!). I learned to actively respond to fear messages so that fear did not control my life. I had good information and qualified help and I succeeded.
I'm cured of cancer, but, again, I must work at healing myself. I hope to conquer my fear of the C-Monster's possible return. Again, I'm gathering accurate information, symptoms, guidelines for good health.
My oncologist gave me a Cancer Survivorship Care Plan. In addition to summarizing my diagnosis and treatment, it provides doctor approved websites that carry accurate information to aid my transition from patient to survivor. Accurate information is empowering.
I read a story in this month's Oprah magazine by Martha Beck. She uses this great metaphor of navigating in a kayak, rather than "being on track." This analogy resonates with me. Before the breast beast reared its ugly head, I was working my way through life on some kind of linear track, always focussed on the horizon, where I'm headed, rarely in the moment.
I had to get off the train and get into a kayak in order to navigate my altered life. Yes, you do get your feet wet, but it's OK. It's realistic and more rewarding. I'm not a passive rider anymore, rather an active paddler, mindful of the present. I feel the current but can choose to move my sturdy vessel through deep or shallow waters.
Yes, things could get bumpy and my kayak might get turned over, but I'm learning the skills to right myself so I can continue my life's journey.
If you're kayaking through life like me, if you are a cancer survivor, know that you can find resources to keep yourself afloat through programs like: www.canceradvocacy.org
and www.cancerversary.org