Boobs Be Gone

Back to the hard place. I wasn't serious when I titled this blog. I've been in denial about the possibility of a bilateral mastectomy. My skillful surgeon recommends I consider this approach which will increase my chances for a cure.
It's taken a week to put my emotional response into words. My moods were as unpredictable as a sudden storm.

Another Taxol treatment followed my surgeon's sobering news. The treatment went well, but two days later, the steroids wore off and I felt physically and emotionally flat. I walked the dogs in spite of total exhaustion. I made myself go out every day. I can't let the process beat me.
I went for a massage. Massage is the one thing that helps me through the hard places. Massage heals my body and refreshes my spirit. My thanks to the girls at the best spa in Maine, Rejuvinations, especially to Liz for her gracious support and love.
I'm adjusting, accepting the next step, and remembering my awesome medical team: a rockin' oncologist with a professional, perky nursing staff, an exceptional surgeon with matching staff (thanks, Betsy!), and my BFF Jami in the treatment center.
Special thanks to Kay for coming home this weekend just because I asked (read: whined) and for our shoe-fest at Macy's, to Pat for the calls and texts all weekend and the best T-shirt ever and to my son Matt for being here for me.
And then there's my soul sister, Claudette. Caring, sincere, affectionate, she helps me process the hard stuff with empathy and seriously wicked humor!
New, perky, cancer-free boobs are in my future, "size B happy."

Wiggly

My partner in purchased lovely locks, 80's rocker, Kevin: you're the only one who truly understands the merits and the pitfalls of wearable hair.

Texas Chicks Reunion

Texas, home of my favorite BFFs! I spent nearly a week catching up with the my Texas Chicks. As our children grew up, our friendships increased exponentially during our time spent in the greatest neighborhood in the world. Together, we put on block parties, volleyball tournaments, chili cook-offs, Santa visits and parades for our kids. We truly are forever friends. I am grateful to each of them for their infusion of love and support.
We had so much fun, a week spent out on the town!
Robin and I had lunch with a Texas senator, Rachel and I found buried treasure and the three of us spent a happy hour in River Oaks. Pat and I enjoyed the company of our fabulous friends and the best barbeque in Texas at the infamous Boot Restaurant.
I want to thank our friends Liz Ann & Keith, Teri & Steve, Wendi & Greg, Rachel, Robin, Joey & Ellen, and Chris for making the night so memorable.
I recharged at Wendi's beautiful home where I met Tony the Toyger, Snoopy and my old friend Buddy. Even better, I hugged Colton, Connor and Alexa. Wendi and Greg, thanks for your constant friendship and warm hospitality.
Texas Chicks slumber party? Yes, Ma'am. The Texas Chicks went out on the town and then spent the night at Robin's fabulous uptown home. Robin, Wendi, Rachel and, yes! my BFF Diane completed the inner circle. The wee hours conversation was entertaining. Robin, thanks for everything!
We spent the last day of our visit with Kevin and Rachel, our first Houston friends. Enjoyed hugging Ryan, petting Sadie and talking by phone with my kindred creative spirit, Kristin.
What a blast! I'm ready to move back to Houston!

The Men in My Life

I spend a lot of time writing about the women in my life. I grew up with my mother, grandmother and great grandmother - four generations of women in one house! Too, I write a column for Woman Magazine www.womannewspapers.com But, it's time to talk about the men in my life.
I have an amazing son. He's a charmer, a comic, the baby of the family. He's sensitive, but strong. Ladies, I've raised the perfect man! He's a hard-working and dedicated athlete, a great student, a loving soul. His personality most matches mine, though we are a contrast on body size. He's over six feet tall and built like an offensive lineman (his football position) and very handsome. While his Dad travels, Matt's the best room dog (roommate). He's met my oncologist and taken me for treatment. He fetches me a water bottle, blanket or anything else I need when I'm down for the count. He is the best son in the world.
My son got the amazing gene from my husband's DNA. Pat is my rock, my mountain. He is strong, protective of his family, and bold in the world. He's lived the "for better or worse" and the "in sickness and health" parts of our original vows. He's athletic and handsome. He's a force in my life and his presence makes my heart happy.
Then there is my Uncle Bob. He filled in the empty space my father left for both my mother and me. Uncle Bob is fearless. He's survived at least three heart attacks, heart surgeries, a stroke and six wild nieces and nephews. When we were kids, he'd take all of us to his boat docked on the Chesapeake Bay. Summer trips to Uncle Bob's boat are forever part of the stories my cousins and I revisit, some of our favorite childhood memories.

Transcendence

1. During yesterday's Easter services, I thought about goodness and the incredibly powerful energy of prayer, how prayer and meditation permeates all religions. I imagined the many prayers that have been sent my way by the caring and compassionate people in my life. I feel grateful to the point of overflowing (read: tears) for my family's and friends' prayers, and those of the houses of worship to which they belong where I am included on their lists. I add my prayers for the people that I care about who are suffering or stressed and hope that these healing messages are then lifted, carried by a spirited wind.

(pictured: prayer flags)

All You Need Is Love!

Thanks to my first rate medical staff, especially my BFF nurse Jami, I made it through the first Taxol chemo treatment, no problem! Yea! Patrick was there the whole time and together we watched the Taxol drip come down the line, holding hands and having faith that there would be no adverse reaction. There was none. The support and prayers of family and friends, surround and protect me.
An unexpected bonus was the treatment included so much benadryl, I went to Margaritaville for a couple of hours, a real thrill since (a) I can't drink and (b) I don't get out enough!
Then, my soul sister, Claudette, did a drive-by to visit and brought me my favorite rootbeer (my beer of choice). I suffer from separation anxiety when she's not around!
Love is the best companion for life's journeys.

My Estrogen is Missing!

I never saw it coming. Here I am, trying to be a good little blogger, kind and respectful of others, believing in Karma and, you won't believe this: someone took my estrogen! Why do bad things happen to good people?!
And I missed the red flags along the way.
I didn't read my breast cancer textbook. Too scary. And I didn't like its cover, little vulnerable peach roses across it. What? I have cancer and you want me to think of cut flowers, already on their way to demise? I want Medusa, the feminists' symbol of female fury on that breast cancer textbook's cover!
My oncologist, diva that she is, tops my list of suspects. When we met, she said, "your estrogen is a pain in my axx." I liked her instantly. But I thought she was going to wait to shut off the estrogen faucet until after surgery, some time off in that distant future, the one that I can't think about right now.
And I was wrong.
The book, Your Breast Cancer Treatment Handbook, written by oncology nurse Judy Kneece, describes chemo induced menopause as PMS symptoms, "increased moodiness, tearfulness, nervousness, and outbursts of anger," as common occurrences except that PMS is temporary. According to the textbook, chemo throws you into an "emotional limbo that remains day after day because the hormones do not return to reverse the withdrawal." Yes, I am pissed off!
Let's see now ... that makes me psycho cancer bitch any time, any where for undetermined duration. Be forewarned.
This is why my husband travels.