Here Comes My 19th Nervous Breakdown

Rule #1 for cancer patients (and survivors): Eliminate ALL unnecessary stress in your life.

This is funny because dealing with cancer is STRESSFUL!
I have never cried so much and so often in my life. I'm sure I have Liz Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, beat in total gallons of tears and snot expended during a life crisis! (by the way if you ever have the chance to see her--go!).
So, I do not recommend anyone have their home, their foundation and security, sold, it's contents boxed up when you are still trying to get your land legs post cancer surgery ... unless it's for a damned good reason.
What is my damned good reason? We are moving to Canada.
So when I think I'm about to melt down, I think of the Canadian Rockies' powerful presence. When my stomach turns upside down, I think of our wonderful Canadian friends. When I'm completely overwhelmed, I think of bears, grizzlies, enjoying this year's bountiful crop of berries. Yes, bears eat berries, a caloric necessity for them, a linguistic treat for nerdy writers like me. Like the grizzlies of the Canadian Rockies, the lush mountain meadows' bumble bees have plush, furry coats!
My cherished Canadian friend, Pamela, has become an expert in her kayak, so my goal is to recover 100% of my left arm so that I can give it a try. I'll have to be a back-seater with Pat for a while before I fly solo.
OK, maybe I'm flunking rule #1.
My emotions are riding roller-coaster rails. But here's the thing: I'm trying to manage stress in a positive way. And I cry a lot.
Let's face it: life is stressful. Buddha said, "Life is suffering." Wisdom comes in learning to choose the response that is healthy for you. And all that crying clears your tear ducts and sends your soul through the rinse cycle.
Tissue please!

(Grizzly bear picture taken by Charlie Russell, naturalist and North America's leading bear expert. This bear is called "Spirit Bear." Please Google grizzlies and the intrepid Mr. Charlie Russell.)

Healing Thoughts

I've been thinking about what it takes to survive and struggling with some of the cornerstones, like positive attitude and focusing on healing.
I have to admit I'm more Eeyore than Tigger, though I have my Tigger moments. But I've wasted a lot of time waiting for the other shoe to drop.
We're all living under a shoe filled cloud.
In my case, the other shoe already dropped and it wasn't a Manolo Blahnik stiletto - it was cancer.
Post-surgery, my oncologist is sure this ugly shoe is out of my body. I am officially a survivor. Too, my DNA pool is much better than thought earlier: I tested negative for the BRCA1 and 2 gene mutations. Whew!
Now I have make that transition from doom to hope.
Too, I have to undergo more treatment to be sure the ugly shoe stays gone.
I have all the post-surgery aches and pains and these uncomfortable expanders in my chest wall (ouch), will help me retain my female form
But right now they feel as comfortable as margarine tub lids.
I'm meditating on the good things in my life: my unbelievably loving and supportive husband and kids, friends and family who are standing by me through this journey, and my kick-ass medical team (the much appreciated privilege of having good health care).
Like Eeyore, I'm a work in progress. It's ironic that this little grey donkey wears a pink ribbon on his tail.