Mammogram Madness

Yesterday I heard a young, 40-something woman say, "I like getting my annual mammogram because once it's done, I'm cleared and don't have to worry about it (breast cancer) again until next year."
Buyer beware!
The media talking heads are not reporting what's most important about this new mammogram study: many young women have dense breast tissue and Mammogram, even with new digital capability, does not image dense (young) breast tissue well.
Don't take my word for it--ask a radiologist and/or ask your doctor.
One of the objectives of breast cancer awareness is to recruit women to be their own advocates for their breast health. We accomplish this by performing regular breast self check and asking questions of health care professionals.
Here's a few things I never knew that are very important to breast health:
1) If a health care professional tells you, "your breasts are dense," ask them what that means and how it affects your imaging quality and risk.
2) Feel your boobies! Get familiar with them. They're your girls--protect them!
3) Did you know that most breast cancers occur in the left breast? Yea, me neither.
4) Did you know that the area from your armpit south to your nipple is a kind of "hurricane zone" for cancer?
Everyone is different, but in my case, I found the lump myself. And I kept checking it for about two weeks to see if there was any change. There wasn't. I told my best friend knowing she'd make me get it checked (I'm a coward). I wish I'd trusted my instincts rather than waiting two weeks.
My doctor sent me for a mammogram. I marked the area in two places, as directed, with a metallic button on a tiny band aid. The mammogram could NOT "see" the 2 cm tumor.
They sent me for an ultra-sound. It took a while for the techs to find it. See? Guess where it was? Yes, left breast, hurricane zone.
According to my after-surgery pathology report, I had "very dense breast tissue."
I wish the people at the breast centers that I used SINCE I WAS FORTY had explained what this density means or, even better, I wish I'd asked more questions.
The best thing that will come out of this controversy is awareness. Be careful out there and protect your girls!

Key to Free

How do I move forward?
This question is, apparently, common among survivors. Support agencies offer various methods which allow the survivor to express emotions via expressionist arts, meditation, Yoga.
During my new cancer survivor's Yoga class, the instructor introduced the last pose as "corpse pose" and everyone laughed. It's the very thing we're all trying to avoid!
One might think that after chemo, surgery and radiation, the cured patient will embrace life, run through fields of flowers, pursue excruciatingly passionate endeavors. I want go, do, see everything, as fast as I can, but I'm stuck. I'm too weighted with emotions. I have to sort through what the hell just happened to me.
I worry that I'm wasting precious time.
Treatment is its own journey. I marched through it like a good soldier, "don't think, just do what must be done."
So here I am in this space between journeys where one must accept what's happened before they can move forward. I can rest here, but I'm restless. I miss feeling free. I never feel free. I wake up every morning and think, "ok, this really happened to me."
This must be the space of healing. There is much to do here. Hopefully I can learn to be more care free. Eventually I'll find the key which will unlock the door to my next journey.

Healing

Survivorship requires healing, healing the body, mind and spirit.
I've been thinking about what I might need to heal and realizing that it's an ongoing process. Eventually, the physical scars will become less noticeable. Skin recovers, hair grows back.
(As you can see in this pic, my hair came back!)
I must be strong like the bear.
The most important healing must occur in the mind. Thoughts must detach from the negative power of the illness. I want a disciplined mind, positive thoughts. I've written about feeling empowered, the importance of being your own best friend, self-kindness--but healing is where the rubber meets the road. It's the gateway to successful survivorship.
I'm becoming an affirmations junkie.
I'm working to live outside the C Monster's intimidating shadow.
Those of us who have battled the C Monster know the mind must become a mighty fortress. The battles require strategy, finesse. An army of Thoughts fight the lurking C Monster. Wizardly powers defy the monster's energy and cast spells which provide divine protection. This wizardly power is fed by prayers.
At the same time, getting out of your head is refreshing. Time spent in the natural world is how I worship. Spending time with those who appreciate our cathedrals of wildness inspire me. I imagine the spirit of the largest and tiniest natural beings ... a grizzly bear ... a village of native grasses.
This week I'm grateful to Canada's poet Tom Wayman and the lyrical straight shooter Sid Marty for supporting, writing about and appreciating the natural world.
Off to explore and heal!
image from www.siec.k12.in.us/cannelton/animalsunite/grizzly marked as Eastern Slopes Grizzly Bears Project image -- grizzly bear enthusiasts can Google Dr. Stephen Herrero, Charlie Russell and Sid Marty for profound insights